Saturday’s Inspiration: Who wins in a win-win deal?

Hey, friends!

Saturday’s New is transforming into Saturday’s Inspiration. What? Why? How? Let me tell you about it.

There are three reasons for this change:

  1. I feel like I am pouring out a lot of myself every single day and all I want to do sometimes is to have a day to soak wisdom and inspiration from others.
  2. My blog is mostly about inner stuff, so I decided to keep my fun experiments for myself and stick to the topics that make the essence of this blog.
  3. I’ve heard it from a number of successful people that it’s important to look around outside your industry to be able to bring fresh air into it.

So, from now on Saturdays will be devoted to studying inspiring people from all kinds of fields and summarizing the main message they communicate. I hope this will expand our horizons even further and let us grow together.

Today’s Inspiration is Chris Voss, former FBI hostage-negotiator, businessman, author, professor. His field of expertise is negotiations, he teaches how to be a top-notch negotiator in business and life.

I listened to Mr Voss talk on Lewis Howes’ podcast and it was full of very smart nuggets I’d like to share with ya’ll. It’s funny how understanding people’s psychology and changing your wording can do miracles in the way you try to win a deal. Here are top ten points I got from this talk.

  • If the guy whom you are about to negotiate with wants to make himself seem powerless, that’s an influential guy. So watch out for guys who say I am not in control here, it might be a trap.
  • Be aware of someone who throws: Let’s do a win-win here in the table right from the beginning. In most cases they want you to get soft and relaxed so that they could rip you off.
  • One of success strategies in negotiations: give another side an illusion of control. Talk less, listen more, do not interrupt or talk over.
  • If you want to say NO, better ask the counter part How am I supposed to do that? This way you give them the feeling of power to make decisions and appear as a cooperative guy, who really wants to help out. Keep on asking how to as long as the other part is playing this game. When they finally say I don’t care. It’s your business to figure it out, you know you’ve pushed them to the limit. One last technique might be saying Seems like you’re totally powerless here… People don’t like to be powerless so they are very likely to look for all the ways to solve the situation.
  • Stroke the opponent’s ego by acknowledging and respecting him. What about phrases like I am really proud to deal with you. It seems you’re really tough and know exactly what you want. Emotional currency can replace money in many deals. E.g. Promise Mr. Donald Trump that he would be on a cover of a magazine and you can buy a very open dynamic interview with him.
  • The most difficult people to negotiate with are the ones who haven’t thought things thru. They say YES, but they don’t know HOW they are gonna implement the deal. These kinds of deals often fail soon after.
  • If you want to get some secret info from your opponents, don’t ask questions, but make your opponent believe you already know the answer. Trigger them so that they want to give the information away. For example, instead of asking How much do my competitors offer you? you say I’m sure my competitors are offering you twice as much money… Hearing that people will feel tempted to correct your info and will give some secret details away.
  • Use empathy not sympathy. Empathy is feeling with the person I can see you’re upset. I know how it feels. I’ve been there. Sympathy is pitying a person I feel bad for you. 
  • Identify the elephant in the room (the negative aspect no one wants to mention). Don’t deny it, acknowledge the other part’s concern’s about you openly. I know I seem very greedy and self-centered here – makes people feel you’re being honest. If you say I don’t want you to think I am greedy… it’s denial and people feel that you ARE actually all those things that you’re denying. Denial magnifies negatives.
  • Always end the deal with the opposite part feeling like they’ve won. This way they are more likely to fulfill the deal. So you don’t want to hear then saying ok ok when you’re shaking hands as it might indicate they agreed, but they are not passionate about it at all.

I am burning to try these little tips and tricks in real life. They might seem like manipulation, but I actually believe it’s just a wiser way of putting one’s words, which might as well be of the best possible nature if your intention is right.

Here’s the whole video if you decide to give this topic a closer look:

Looking forward to negotiate,

Aurora Slim

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